Bitterness can become an unpleasant and deeply felt emotion that can cause corrosion in your own life and your relationships. For one to become a bitter person they would have to be harboring in their heart one or more of the following: anger, hurt, jealousy, resentment, hatred, or revenge to name a few.

To feel bitterness toward another means that this other person has said or done something to us that hurts or offends us so badly that we truly feel that we would never be able to forgive that person for it.

One of the unfortunate things about bitterness is that usually the person we would become bitter against are those who we used to love and consider family or friends. If a stranger said or did something to us that made us feel angry or hurt we probably would not hold a grudge, because we know that we may never see this person again and therefore we would “get over it.” However, let a family member or friend say or do something and watch the seed of bitterness begin to grow.

One possible reason for this is because with most family and friends we have a loving and trusting relationship with them. If something is said or done to lose trust in them, then we have lost more than if it had been a stranger who did or said the evil deed or words.

Many bitter people feel they have been wronged and deserve some form of an apology and in most cases this is true. However, what if the offending party never realizes or wants to admit that they wronged another? Will you allow their insult to deprive you of a happy and healthy life?

Modern research has shown that bitterness and anger can lead to health problems such as headaches, back aches, allergic disorders, ulcers, high blood pressure, and even heart attacks. If you continue to hold a grudge and let bitterness engulf your life and possibly develop health problems because of it, then in a sense you are letting the person you feel better against have power over you.

A way to destroy bitterness is through forgiveness, which is to pardon, or to excuse an offense without giving a penalty in return. It takes a very strong emotional, mental, and spiritual person to offer forgiveness. To offer forgiveness does not mean that the offender is not guilty. It simply means that even though they are guilty of causing you some form of pain you are a strong enough person to not allow them to control your life with wanting to seek some form of revenge.

However, this does not mean that if someone commits a crime against another that if forgiveness is granted that no penalties are given. There have to be rules and laws and if they are broken the consequences have to be paid, even if the offender is forgiven by the victim. Many times people say I can forgive, but I won’t forget and this is true in most cases. Our minds were created to store memories both good and bad and therefore, it is difficult to forget some offences done to us.

The key to true forgiveness is when we are reminded of the offense and we realize we are no longer bitter. In writing this article 20 years ago I came across an interesting and slightly humorous quotation whose author was unknown, “When God buries our sins in the deepest sea, He posts a sign which reads, No Fishing!”

One Hallmark card once held the phrase, “sometimes we have to let go of the past in order to enjoy the present, and be able to dream of the future.” To allow bitterness to invade and take over means to have no hope of forgiveness. But, to have no forgiveness means there is no hope for true happiness.

1/27/99 – TRS

Back in January of 1999 when I first got my opportunity to be a columnist for the newspaper, The Outlook I became a little fearful thinking “what if I don’t have anything to write about”. This is when the idea came to me to write an article based on a word from each letter of the alphabet, then I knew I would have at least 26 articles to write about.

At the time I wrote this article I had been a mental health counselor for 2 years but had no idea that one day in 2016 I would be a licensed clinical drug and alcohol counselor. Following is the first in the series, Articles of the Alphabet.

Addiction is to devote or surrender oneself to something habitually. Addiction is most commonly associated with drug and alcohol usage and past statistics (from 1999) suggest that 10 million Americans are addicted to alcohol. However, people can become addicted to practically anything.

An addiction to something usually occurs when there is an increase in the quantity and frequency of the act. Too much television, too much food, too much drugs, too much of this, or too much of that which begins to interfere with life.

Many addictions stem from bad habits. Although, not all bad habits become addictions. Some people have a habit of biting their fingernails, or tapping their fingers, or popping them. This may cause others irritation but it will not profoundly affect others or oneself in a negative way.

A habit is something that becomes a usual manner of behavior. It’s something that you have started doing so frequently that you do it without even realizing it. A habit transforms into an addiction when the habit begins to interfere with your life and your relationships with negative consequences.

When doing something is on your mind all the time and you would rather do that thing above anything else, and you tell yourself and others that you can stop it at anytime you want to, you’re probably addicted.

With drugs and alcohol the only cure is total abstinence. Once at a training I heard that people addicted to substances have only three options, straighten up, get locked up, or get covered up. I feel that is three very profound ways to look at it.

However, there are some things that people cannot totally give up for example if someone is addicted to food one cannot abstain from food totally. This is where moderation comes in.

If one can decrease the quantity and frequency of the bad habit and have a faithful support team willing to offer encouragement and hope, then there is a greater avenue for success. It is interesting to note that the word addiction and devotion basically have the same meaning. Even in the Greek language the two words mean the same thing; to be dedicated to, self-sacrificing, to give up to wholly.

It seems though that the word addiction has come to be referred more with the negative aspects of dedication, whereas devotion has been more associated with being affectionate and loving. Giving oneself wholeheartedly to the well-being of others refers to devotion, whereas giving up oneself to something for the pleasure of self would be addiction.

If you have come to realize that you have dedicated yourself to something that brings any kind of physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual hurt to yourself or others, seek help immediately.

All need to remember to be devoted to the well-being of others. If you can devote yourself to the helping of others you will be less likely to be addicted to things that will only bring havoc to your own life.

Originally written 1/20/99 -trs

Sorry this article was accidentally deleted…”hopefully” will get it back on someday….this was my first article published in the newspaper The Outlook.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton