This week forty years ago I was eleven years old and had not seen my dad for a full week because he had been admitted into the hospital. The rule at the hospital was I had to be 12 in order to go in to visit, but the doctor had told that after Dad’s exploratory surgery he would allow my younger brother and I to go in to visit.
Seven days had passed and I was so excited that finally we would get to visit our dad who was 35 years old and never really been sick before to the extent of having to be hospitalized for a full week. The hour approached to go to the visit but when our mom came back from the hospital she had the hard task to inform us that our father had died. So that last full week of my dad’s life I did not get to see him.
We had been at my grandparent’s so later that night my mom, brother, and I made our first trip to our home with the knowledge my dad would never be there again. I had just recently been given my own room after sharing a room with my brother for 8 years. I had put up a sign on the door that said, “Keep Out!”
As I walked the hall and looked up at that sign I took it down and ripped it up. Thinking that I never wanted to keep people out because what if they died. I ran to my bed also thinking that God must be far away from me for this to have happened. My family was very supportive of me during this time and was there for me; from my mom, to my grandparents, and other relatives. However, as a young boy that one thought that God must have not been there haunted me for years. I had the normal grief reactions of sadness and anger. Being a “shy” kid anyway with social anxiety keeping to myself became easy.
Often during my teen years I became angry at God thinking that He took my dad from me. At the age of 18 I surrendered my soul to God and sought His paths and began the healing process. After realizing that doctor’s could not explain the last 11 years of my dad’s life. I had heard my Mom talk about it but I never fully understood until I had started going back to church and in Sunday school class we read Proverbs 9:11 that says, “For through Me your days shall be many and years shall be added to your life.” My dad had been a Christian for exactly 11 years. The doctor could not explain it but my mom could.
I realized that God had not “cheated” me, but blessed me with those 11 years I did have him. While at Asbury Seminary as a student 12 years after my dad’s death, one night I attended a concert done by Dennis Jernigan. As he was singing, in my mind I was taken back in time to that night, November 13, 1983 after ripping the sign off my door and thinking I was alone in my bed. God showed me He was there the entire time. No matter what others may say, or what your mind may try to tell you that God is not there; trust me when I say He is there.
~TRS 11/12/23
#Dennis Jernigan http://www.dennisjernigan.com
Rays of Hope 