R-E-S-P-E-C-T “find out what it means to me,” is a verse from the song made popular by Aretha Franklin. What does it mean for each individual to have and to show respect to oneself and others? Over 20 years ago now there was a poster that hang in the hall of a school I worked in that stated, “if you expect respect, be the first to show it.”
It could be that Aretha sings about finding out what respect means to us because if we don’t know what it is how would we be able to show it to anyone? According to Webster dictionary the definition of respect is to basically show consideration to others and to honor or hold others in high regards or esteem. A group of children and teens can come up with many interesting and correct definitions and examples of what respect is. However, these are the same students who are in trouble almost all the time for fighting, calling each other names, and back talking and disrespecting authority. Therefore, it would seem that just knowing the meaning and definitions of all respect is does not make one a respectable person who “shows what they know.”
One of the things I have attempted to teach the students and clients I worked with over the years is to apply what they know. If you don’t know it, learn it and once you know about it apply it to your life.
Putting some of our knowledge to use can sometimes be very difficult. At times it may take a lot of willpower to treat some of the people we know with respect. Once in a teenage group therapy session I quoted “if you expect respect be the first to show it” and quickly a girl spoke up and said, “I know what respect is but I’m not going to give it because I never get it in return from my parents or peers.” The key word she spoke was never. I told her that never meant never, but she could come up with some times of when she had been treated with respect.
Then a young man spoke up and told of times he had been the first to show respect to a certain person in his life, but was never given respect in return. The more he attempted to show respect the more he had been emotionally and physically abused. This young man went to the point of washing the feet of his abuser attempting to gain this person’s respect and love, only to be hit and yelled at because it wasn’t done to the satisfaction of the abuser.
Momentarily I sat thinking to myself I was going to have to take down the poster at school, but then I responded by telling the group that it is true that even though we may show respect first to some we may never get that respect back from them. However, that does not mean that we should become disrespectful. Because if we choose to continue to show respect ultimately others will have respect for us. I told this young man that even though he will probably always yearn to be treated with respect by this “certain person” it is true that he may never, and I meant never, receive it from this person unless this person chooses to change. I encouraged this young person by letting him know that by him sharing something so personal that my respect for him has increased and others in the group expressed the same thing.
If you know the meaning of respect then learn to apply it to your life. Many of the children who had never been raised in church, nor knew about Bible stories still described respect as “to treat others the way you want to be treated.” By following the Golden rule one can bring hope to many and be admired and respected in return.
Originally written 8-18-99
TRS
Rays of Hope 