Back in 1999 I had started a series called The articles of the alphabet where I would choose a word from the next letter of the alphabet and write an article on that topic. When I got to the letter q there didn’t seem to be as many options but I chose the word; Quarrel. To quarrel is basically having a dispute or a complaint, a disagreement, or altercation. Being human makes everyone prone to at some time or another to be faced with some form of a quarrel. There are a few different emotions that are related to quarreling. Anger, hatred, envy, jealousy, aggression, passiveness, regret, guilt, resentment, depression, and feeling as though you have been taken advantage of or used could all stem from a quarrel or could cause a quarrel.
Dr. William Gaylin once wrote, “resentment often arises when we believe we aren’t getting what is due us from another person. We feel unfairly cheated or betrayed. Then we tend to brood about it which typically leads to trouble and quarrels.” There doesn’t need to be anymore trouble in the world then what there already is, so if you’ve not already learn to be assertive and less aggressive or passive.
Learn to speak your mind in a calm, yet firm way which is being assertive. There’s nothing wrong with being angry or expressing your anger as long as it is done in a positive way. When I first started out being a counselor primarily with children and now 20 plus years later continuing to work as a counselor with children and adults if they ever have anger issues that could possibly lead to a quarrel I give this advice: when you are mad don’t do anything that will hurt yourself, others, nor destroy property. Learn what triggers your anger and then make the choice to handle any negative emotions in a positive way and that is your choice that you have have power to do.
Attempt to never let a quarrel dampen your hope, but have the hope that if you choose wisely on how you handle yourself that some good will come out of it. Unless you are one who likes drama and seems to not be “happy” unless quarreling with someone then you are like most who wants to avoid quarrels if at all possible. However, quarrels will come on life’s journey but learn to take 5. This means that whatever the quarrel is about is it still going to be an an issue 5 minutes from now, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, or even 5 years from now? When we can look at it in the grand scheme of things typically most things we quarrel over may not be that significant just our preference. Learn to be humble and kind and fulfill the scripture, “as much as it is possible for you to live at peace with everyone.”
Originally written 8-4-99
Rewritten 10-4-19…TRS
Rays of Hope 