Bitterness can become an unpleasant and deeply felt emotion that can cause corrosion in your own life and your relationships. For one to become a bitter person they would have to be harboring in their heart one or more of the following: anger, hurt, jealousy, resentment, hatred, or revenge to name a few.
To feel bitterness toward another means that this other person has said or done something to us that hurts or offends us so badly that we truly feel that we would never be able to forgive that person for it.
One of the unfortunate things about bitterness is that usually the person we would become bitter against are those who we used to love and consider family or friends. If a stranger said or did something to us that made us feel angry or hurt we probably would not hold a grudge, because we know that we may never see this person again and therefore we would “get over it.” However, let a family member or friend say or do something and watch the seed of bitterness begin to grow.
One possible reason for this is because with most family and friends we have a loving and trusting relationship with them. If something is said or done to lose trust in them, then we have lost more than if it had been a stranger who did or said the evil deed or words.
Many bitter people feel they have been wronged and deserve some form of an apology and in most cases this is true. However, what if the offending party never realizes or wants to admit that they wronged another? Will you allow their insult to deprive you of a happy and healthy life?
Modern research has shown that bitterness and anger can lead to health problems such as headaches, back aches, allergic disorders, ulcers, high blood pressure, and even heart attacks. If you continue to hold a grudge and let bitterness engulf your life and possibly develop health problems because of it, then in a sense you are letting the person you feel better against have power over you.
A way to destroy bitterness is through forgiveness, which is to pardon, or to excuse an offense without giving a penalty in return. It takes a very strong emotional, mental, and spiritual person to offer forgiveness. To offer forgiveness does not mean that the offender is not guilty. It simply means that even though they are guilty of causing you some form of pain you are a strong enough person to not allow them to control your life with wanting to seek some form of revenge.
However, this does not mean that if someone commits a crime against another that if forgiveness is granted that no penalties are given. There have to be rules and laws and if they are broken the consequences have to be paid, even if the offender is forgiven by the victim. Many times people say I can forgive, but I won’t forget and this is true in most cases. Our minds were created to store memories both good and bad and therefore, it is difficult to forget some offences done to us.
The key to true forgiveness is when we are reminded of the offense and we realize we are no longer bitter. In writing this article 20 years ago I came across an interesting and slightly humorous quotation whose author was unknown, “When God buries our sins in the deepest sea, He posts a sign which reads, No Fishing!”
One Hallmark card once held the phrase, “sometimes we have to let go of the past in order to enjoy the present, and be able to dream of the future.” To allow bitterness to invade and take over means to have no hope of forgiveness. But, to have no forgiveness means there is no hope for true happiness.
1/27/99 – TRS
Rays of Hope 